B&A: What do you think of my writing?

I certainly enjoyed reading that for a start. Maybe a tiny bit of description of who else was there and what the place looked like might have been nice. Also, in your first paragraph you wrote 'mum' and 'dad'. In this instance it should be 'Mum' and 'Dad' as these are names at this point. If you had said 'My mum' or 'my dad' then it would be lower case. Other than that. Fantastic. Please keep us updated. Happy Days!